Episode 1, Episode 8 (The Duel)

LVL 10 Good Guy Blog (How I Met Your Mother Read Along) Season 1, Episode 8 (The Duel)

The Duel VS Change (Day 22)

In this episode, Ted struggles with change when Lily moves in with him and Marshal. Marshal and him end up in a sword duel at the end that brings them together as they both deal with the changes that are happening in their lives.

This is where I'm at in life. I'm struggling with this change I've facing. I wish I hadn't snooped because in the first two weeks prior to the creation of the blog I was dealing with being alone. I was OK with the way everything ended. I was ready to tackle the daunting task of evolving into the 30s me. FYI: I struggle everyday with learning to cook. A topic for another day. 

Tonight I write you after another serious trigger. My wife took the remainder of her stuff and our dog. His name was Teddy. This isn't a picture of him but this is what he looks like. He's adorable. We've raised him since he was one month old.

I didn't think I would miss the dog as much as I am. Oh, boy. I'm so glad none of you know who I am. So here it is. I'm still evolving except I'm limping along with a bit of a heartache. The anxiety attacks come and go but not as bad as the first week. I'm writing here, using Tinder to talk to strangers, and working like crazy. I'm sleeping well. Peacefully. I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night scared of the dark and sad when I realize I'm alone in bed. I've gone out but I'm still talking about my wife. The exception is that I'm only meeting up with friends and new friends who know what's up. I'm happy to report that by doing this I've been able to keep crazy at bay and be normal during work hours where my professionalism is important to me. 

I still haven't been able to go to the shop to play a game in over two months. I'm not ready. I don't know why it is so hard except it was core to one of our issues. She hated that I went to the shop. I left her alone way too long. I don't think this will be resolved until I do the whole confrontation thing and the goodbye closure thing. I know I'm not right because I'm not doing anything that is normal to me. 

Music listened to while writing:  Eric Clapton,