Season 1, Episode 6 (Slutty Pumpkin)

LVL 10 Good Guy Blog (How I Met Your Mother Read Along) Season 1, Episode 6 (Slutty Pumpkin)

The Slutty Pumpkin

I'm not quite ready to talk about my idealized woman. I'm not sure yet.  Ted waits every year on Halloween for this girl he thinks is the one. It is totally lame but romantic. I gave up a long time ago that I could feel this way. However, the one gift that I've been given is intense pain. I love it. Sort of. I haven't felt anything in years. Do you know what this means? I can feel passion. I can be romantic. (If you ask my wife she'll tell you i'm incapable. Irony) There's hope for me. There's a slutty pumpkin out there for me.

How to Get Over Your Ex

OK, here's my plan. Before I can go for the slutty pumpkin I have to work my emotional plan. I have to figure out how to get over my ex. I have to process each emotion and deal with it. I want to be healthy. I'm happy to report that all the things that were causing me anxiety from last week have subsided. Now? I think I'm ready to process the cheating.

I've been going to a Tuesday night divorce support group. They gave me a checklist that I must overcome before I can start dating again. (I've lost the paper. I'll pick one up in another week and post it).

I'm OK with 12 out of 16 of the things. Seriously. I've sort of been alone for a while. Whining on an Internet blog aside I'm pretty awesome in life. To steal a line from a friend (cause it is true), "I  go back and forth from raging narcissism and crippling insecurity (thanks friend)."

Here's the deal. I need to see my ex a few times before this is all over. She doesn't know that I know about her cheating. Before I moved her out we agreed to half and half and I'm good with that. I keep our condo. Before I can have closure on this thing I need to find the strength to see her and not give it away. I don't want to fight.

I've asked to not be contacted by my wife. It messed me up the first text I got from her. I got rid of all her things that reminded me of  her in our home. I've boxed some things up but it is a process. You're saying goodbye through this and it is completely normal. I'm currently working through taking back all the rooms in the house. So far, I've done 70 percent of the home.

I have sex issues but those will be resolved easily enough. It is about false insecurities that resulted from this experience. I've decided that I love being in a caring monogamous relationship. The sex is always great. It is warm and comforting and with the right girl can be fun and playful as well. I will have this again one day.

As Ted says, "I know that the love of my life isn't just going to magically walk through that door at 2:43 am in the morning but this seems as nice a spot as any." That's right brother. Waiting. That's the hard part.

Anyways, I tell you all this to explain my next step. I really want to find a willing rebound. It isn't about the sex. Its about change and healing. I can't get the images of her new lover laughing at me out of my head. It hurts. From the logs, this guy is obsessed and joyful with taking someone's wife. My poor little wife is so emotionally needy right now that she can't see that she's just a trophy. She's an accomplishment. I hate her for allowing this to happen. He's laughing! I've buried this over the last week as I was getting used to learning to cook and being alone.

When my wife texted me it was to ask about coming to pick up her stuff. She left her wedding dress. It is sitting in the dinning room under a blanket. Here's the deal. I have accepted that this isn't personal. My wife did not wake up one day with the intention to hurt me. She's been respectful and as careful as one can be during a break up. I recognize that she needed this to give her the strength and I didn't stop her. I wanted out too. However, I hate her for allowing this man to dishonor her and by proxy me.

And there you have it. I keep thinking if I power level myself up with experiences that I'll find the strength to see her again. I need to do our taxes. I need to fake a conversation to get her to sign the decree. I need to tell her that I know. That's the most important part. Before I can pursue my slutty pumpkin, I need to do all of this. I need closure.

Fuck. I'm not that guy. I need to be.

So reader if you know of someone contact me. Thanks to the few who are reading this blog. It helps to know that I have a small audience. Leave a response.

LVL10GoodGuy in Dallas, TX